


Smile on my face

by Midori__99



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, M/M, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, One-Sided Attraction, Please Don't Hate Me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 21:23:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17169653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midori__99/pseuds/Midori__99
Summary: In which Chanyeol realises he has a gift that no one else knows of and he strives to make full use of it to hide his biggest insecurity.





	Smile on my face

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so, I thought I'd try writing an EXO fanfiction. Honestly speaking, this is the first time I'm finding myself this deep into a fandom that's not even anime and the last element I need to completely lose myself in the fandom world of EXO is to write a fanfiction of my own (I'm not the oldest Eri here. While I've known EXO since 2013 actually, I only got into the fandom after Monster so yeah). And I've never been brave enough to write a fic on shipping but here I am, attempting a fic dedicated to the ever lovely ChanSoo because I'm absolute trash for them. I'm scared though, as to how this turned out.
> 
> Kind reviews will be much appreciated as will constructive criticisms. Also, if I do get any EXO fact wrong, then please do tell me. Like I mentioned earlier, there is still a lot I don't know - I'm not a veteran Eri after all. And so, here goes nothing!

Chanyeol had a gift. Well, actually he had a lot of gifts. He could sing, he could dance (even though he wasn't the best out of all of them but hey, a gift is a gift), he was the member with the vastest musical knowledge out of them all and he was seemingly capable of making everyone smile. Not many realised though that he had another gift. A gift of masking his own emotions. And no one, not even Baekhyun who claimed to know Chanyeol like the back of his own hand, could ever figure out that the dazzling hundred watt smile he often wore and the goofy Happy Virus personality he often put up were also a well-constructed façade.

Chanyeol had his lows. Everyone did. He was just more careful to hide it from the rest of them because he hated feeling like a burden to anyone. Junmyeon was everyone's go-to, him being the most matured and caring out of them all. He had also been Chanyeol's confidant once upon a time before things changed. It was the day that Yifan left, Chanyeol stopped going to Junmyeon because he saw Junmyeon's strong, squared shoulders slump and quiver under all the emotional pressure of supporting them all. Junmyeon bitterly blamed himself - for what Chanyeol could never understand. And for the first time Chanyeol had felt that he truly hated someone with all his being. Those feelings faded in time,replaced by a numbing emptiness and an unbearable ache. And when Luhan, and then Tao finally parted as well, Chanyeol didn't know if his smiles came naturally anymore. That's when he learned of his gift. And he decided to use that gift to the fullest, if not for himself then for his fans and the rest of his members. Their happiness became more important to him than his own.

His numbing pains grew a little bit more bearable because of his roommate and one of his closest friends, Baekhyun. While the two of them were almost the exact copies of each other personality wise, Baekhyun was a little bit more comfortable and confident of his emotions compared with Chanyeol, who despite his airs was often plagued with several insecurities. And more often than not Baekhyun had been there for him in those dark sleepless nights when Chanyeol's insomnia acted up and he just broke under all the pressure, ranting and crying just to get things off his chest. Chanyeol was grateful to Baekhyun for so many things that he would end up writing a book if he were to name all of them. But then Baekhyun started hitting the rough waters too. His secret of dating Taeyeon got revealed right after Yifan's departure and suddenly sweet, pure-hearted angel of a Baekhyun started receiving undeserved hate from the world, largely from the fans they called their own. So many times Baekhyun cried in the dorms in front of them out of pure hurt, asking what he had done wrong when he had just wanted to be with the girl he had liked for a long time. So many times Chanyeol almost lost his self-control and almost lashed out at all the pathetic haters who sat behind keys and so easily directed hate-filled messages and even death threats towards his precious friend, but he had to refrain because that would be an unwise thing to do. The hate got out of control and hence inevitably the breakup came. Another couple of days when Baekhyun would hit the absolute lows and somehow force himself to smile only because he had to maintain his professional image. Those were the times he also spoilt his health, strained his vocal chords from overwork and just turned into a mere exhausted shell of his usually happy and energetic self. Chanyeol broke when he saw his friend break and hence he locked away his own problems and insecurities, striving just to be next to his friend's side until he fully recovered and went back to his positive, happy-go-lucky self. Chanyeol had absolute faith that Baekhyun would recover. Because the Baekhyun he knew was the strongest person in the world. Those were the times Chanyeol's façades were the most useful.

Kyungsoo was a slightly more complicated case. He was the reason for Chanyeol's greatest strength and inspiration as well as his undoing. And Kyungsoo was perhaps the only one who had seen Chanyeol at his rawest truest self. They had a strange bond and an even stranger story to how their friendship started. Kyungsoo initially had been someone who had greatly intimidated Chanyeol what with the glaring and the quiet demeanour that gave off a rather cold aura. But Chanyeol being Chanyeol had nevertheless forced himself to talk to the guy because he had felt guilty about the fact that all of them pretty much isolated Kyungsoo out of discomfort. It never failed to surprise Chanyeol how the both of them had managed to strike a deep chord so fast and even end up sharing the subway train together as well as a box of takoyaki on the very first evening of their new friendship. As different personality wise as they were, they also had a surprising amount of similarities and Chanyeol was fast to label Kyungsoo as his best friend. And Kyungsoo was more than the perfect best friend to him. While claiming to be constantly annoyed by Chanyeol's stupid whining and mindless yammering, Kyungsoo never failed to lend an ear and a comforting shoulder whenever Chanyeop really opened up about himself and his insecurities. Chanyeol often questioned whether he was a good best friend to Kyungsoo too and whenever he asked that out loud Kyungsoo would just hit him hard. But the fond look he would then direct at him would always assure Chanyeol that he was doing great as a best friend as well.

During those hard times when Chanyeol's only coping mechanism was to shut himself into one of the spare rooms in their dorm and compose the night away, he would wake up in the morning to find himself covered by a blanket and a heat-retaining container of the signature kimchi spaghetti only Kyungsoo knew how to make kept on the table beside his laptop. Even after Chanyeol invested and opened a separate studio away from the dorms so he wouldn't disturb the other members with his night music escapades, Kyungsoo still barged in on him, chastising and chewing him off for skipping dinner and ungratefully almost wasting the huge amount of good food Kyungsoo had cooked. He often threatened to leave EXO too while force-feeding his best friend his handmade dinner, telling them to find a new cook for their dorms because a certain Park Chanyeol wasn't grateful enough that Kyungsoo worked his backside off on preparing food for nine hungry wolves. Chanyeol would smile secretly, knowing that this was Kyungsoo's way of showing that he cared and worried in his own indirect and indifferent way.

Chanyeol's Kyungsoo-related insecurities started taking birth when he realized that every time Kyungsoo smiled at him his heart-rate would increase tenfold, and every time Kyungsoo laid a hand on his arm or shoulder in the most platonic way possible, Chanyeol wanted the touch to last longer. Chanyeol often found himself looking at Kyungsoo's lips more, and would forcefully break himself out of the daze out of sheer horror and shame. Those feelings weren't foreign to him. He had fallen in love before. But it had always been with girls, never boys. The fact that he was probably falling in love with his best friend distressed him to the greatest degree and he vehemently tried to deny the feelings he had for Kyungsoo by repeatedly telling himself he didn't in fact like guys that way at all. That only caused him to grow unhappier and distance himself from Kyungsoo instead.

Kyungsoo, ever being the sensitive one to Chanyeol's moods, had realized something was wrong. He had also been worried of the distance Chanyeol put between them. And Kyungsoo being the surprisingly more forward one out of them had ambushed Chanyeol's studio once again and cornered the older, demanding to know what was up and why he was avoiding him. Chanyeol had flashed his fake smile then, trying to argue that everything was alright only for Kyungsoo to shove it aside with merely a frown and a stern "I'm not a fool, Chanyeol." That was the first time someone saw through Chanyeol's facade and then Chanyeol just let it crumble. He remembered sinking to the floor, heaving and letting out noiseless sobs and screams, covering his face with his hands while Kyungsoo just wrapped his strong arms around him and held him against his chest, whispering that everything would be alright even though Chanyeol hadn't yet told him what it was that had been eating away at him. Chanyeol had never felt so warm and safe as he did in Kyungsoo's arms, yet at the same time he wanted to push himself as far away from Kyungsoo as possible because his own feelings we're so unacceptable to himself. That day Kyungsoo made Chanyeol promise that he wouldn't try to fight his emotional battles all alone.

The day when Sehun came out on them was a day of utter astonishment yet a day of utter joy and pride. Truthfully, everyone had an inkling as to what Sehun's preferences would be but they all knew Sehun himself hadn't accepted it yet. So, when Sehun entered the dorm living room looking nervous and unsure but yet bravely announced that he was sure of his sexuality and that he had accepted who he was, the rest of the members were quiet for a bit (out of the shock of the unexpectedness of the announcement) and then they had all been reduced to a proud crying wreck, embracing their beloved maknae who had begun crying himself and telling him over and over again that they were proud of him and would love and support him no matter who and what he was. Then Sehun had ended up confessing that he had indeed been crushing over Luhan and only realised his true feelings after Luhan had left.

Sehun's coming out and confession touched Chanyeol the most. He had been crying along with the rest of them and kept recalling how much his chest had swelled with love and pride for their youngest member. Inspired by Sehun's bravery, he decided that for once he would be honest with himself as well and accept his own feelings. While he knew he wasn't brave enough to tell everyone about it and certainly not Kyungsoo, he decided that he would tell the person who would understand him the most. And so, he sought out Sehun. Sehun had been in the dance practice room along with Jongin when Chanyeol found him and he ended up telling both the youngers about his one-sided feelings for his best friend. Sehun, and even Jongin had immediately understood and both had hugged Chanyeol as soon as he had finished talking, quiet but offering every bit of reassurance through the physical gesture. They couldn't offer him comfort because both of them were as painfully aware as Chanyeol of the fact that Kyungsoo was completely straight but they still promised to be there if their hyung ever needed them again for support.

Eventually , Chanyeol found the courage to tell the rest of the members, apart from Kyungsoo, about his feelings as well. As he had expected, they offered him their full support and sympathy. Junmyeon and Minseok both fussed over him and chided him for not sharing with them sooner, Jongdae latched himself to his arm for the rest of the evening and occasionally teased him just to make him smile, Yixing who was always a man of little words kept smiling at him warmly and gave him hugs every now and then and Sehun and Jongin just watched him with twin proud smiles etched on their faces. Baekhyun, ever Chanyeol's most supportive friend apart from Kyungsoo, spent the entire night with him joking, shedding equal tears of regret over unrequited love and singing absurd songs with him just to cheer him up. Chanyeol had never felt luckier to belong to EXO.

He took to using his now polished and practiced façade around Kyungsoo the most because he didn't want the younger to find out about his feelings and feel uncomfortable or, worse, guilty in any way. And his façade was probably perfect because Kyungsoo didn't realise most of the times that the hundred watt Happy Virus smile was only an imitation. Chanyeol felt guilty to be hiding things from his best friend but he was waiting for the right time, when he would be able to tell Kyungsoo honestly and come clean without getting hurt or hurting Kyungsoo or expecting anything in return.

He had struggled, both as Chanyeol and as EXO. He no longer harbored any hard feelings against the members who had left, in fact he could say that he understood them now and accepted what they did, and he could deal better with hate. He had a newfound trust and support in the form of the rest of EXO and his music. He had accepted himself and was slowly gaining a truer, purer form of Happy Virus back. And Kyungsoo, his constant, his support and his light was still his unwavering best friend. Chanyeol mused that maybe the time when he would be able to let go of his one-sided love and be back as Kyungsoo's best friend was arriving soon.

It was 2018, six whole years of EXO being together, and as Chanyeol sat on the stage for the showcase of their fifth album, listening to Junmyeon talk about one of the tracks that was based on Yixing's super power and talked about a lover letting go of his unrequited love with a smile and acceptance, he turned and looked at Kyungsoo who was seated beside him, listening intently to what Junmyeon was speaking. Chanyeol smiled. Maybe he would be able to let go of Kyungsoo with a smile on his face too, a real smile and not a façade.

**Author's Note:**

> And so........that is it. I really love the lyrics of Smile on my Face from DMUMT and wanted to base a fic on that and hence this was born. I hope it wasn't too bad.
> 
> I will definitely try to write happier ChanSoo fics in the future. For now, adios! And do leave kudos and comments if you think I deserve it. Keep supporting EXO (DMUMT was friggin amazing! So was Love Shot!) And I love you all, fellow Eris!


End file.
